Transparency 2.0

Hi folks! With about two weeks until our deadline for making rent, we wanted to put out a quick update going over the good and bad news we have so far

Warning: this post is a little raw on the emotions side

We're going to be talking a bit about how we've been feeling recently, and it's not very positive. We do try our best to stay positive with things like this, but it's a bit hard right now. We also talk a bit about suicidal thoughts (though not ours). In general, this is a very serious post, similar to the last update. Please continue reading at your own risk.

The good news

We're not losing our house yet!

Thanks to some very kind donations and a helpful family member, we have pushed back the deadline to the end of August! We now have another month to try to figure out a job and finances and whatnot. This takes a bit of the weight off of us, which we definitely needed

The bad news

Things still aren't going great on our job search

Last time we updated, we mentioned getting a couple offers for jobs. We ended up taking the offer that would pay us more so that we knew we could continue to pay the bills and support the household, even though we knew it was going to potentially be a more physical job. We thought we could do it, but as we've posted about in a couple places, that wasn't the case at all. They put us on one of the more physical tasks on the first day, involving a lot of standing, twisting, bending, and walking. We couldn't do it. We quit after two hours.

The problem we're facing right now is essentially this: even if we had taken the other job, I'm honestly not sure if we'd have had any easier of a time due to the standing. We've definitely proven to ourselves that we're physically disabled, but we still both want and need to find work. We've had to re-evaluate the amount of physical labor and movement we can safely do for jobs, and it's a lot less than we'd hoped we'd be able to do- it genuinely feels like our last job made our physical health worse, especially since we ended up with new areas of pain from it. On top of that, because of our mental health declining, our memory and cognition have also suffered; we're just so exhausted and worn out from everything that it's hard to focus and think straight a lot of the time.

Honestly... it's starting to feel pretty hopeless at this point. Trying to figure out what jobs we can take without hurting ourselves has been difficult. Even when we find postings for jobs we can do- work from home stuff, data entry, programming; anything primarily sitting down- the market is so saturated that it's nearly impossible to get an interview, let alone an offer. We don't hear back from many places, and nearly every time we do hear back, it's a rejection. This kind of cycle has become a new level of devastation and disappointment for us.

Our partner is searching for ways to work, but while she's mainly able-bodied (if a bit out of shape), she struggles much harder than us in the mental category. Her reasons for quitting her last few jobs mainly boil down to the fact that working in general makes her incredibly suicidal. We're doing our best to take care of her and handle working to avoid this trigger, but with us struggling to get a job at all, it's looking more and more like she's going to have to get a traditional job again so we can pay the bills.

All in all: we're still trying, but it's a really big struggle right now. We really don't want to live paycheck to paycheck or month to month, and we don't have the ability to rely on friends and family indefinitely- and in fact, we're currently in debt with the family that has helped us, and we'll need to pay them back when we're able. We're still on a time limit one way or another.

Anyways, that's about it for now. Sorry for the heavier update, but we wanted to really explain the situation we're in and talk about how we're doing. We're still working on some things in the meantime (especially since we have to wait to hear back on our applications, hahah), but updates will probably slow down until we figure something out

Thank you to everyone who made it this far and an even bigger thank you to everyone who has supported us during this time we appreciate y'all so much! With any luck, we'll be able to go back to more lighthearted updates soon

We hope everyone has a great day ^^

- Kam